Today, I had my first "draguer" experience. In France, it is completely common and normally for men to approach women who are by themselves and talk to them. The verb in French, I learned today, is draguer, which loosely translated means to chat up. It does not necessarily involve any intention of actually dating the person, like we would associate in America. It's just French. I had a professor at Ball State that told stories about a female student he knew that studied abroad in Paris. Her technique for avoiding these conversations was to stand up and start babbling like a crazy person whenever a man approached her. Another student he knew timed how long she could sit alone in a cafe before someone approached her. It was something like 5 minutes. I knew that I would have deal with this unique aspect of the French culture, and today was the day.
I just started a 2 week vacation and all of my roommates have plans with their respective significant others and families, so I am on my own for most of the time. I have some larger plans for the weekend, but today I just decided to visit Valence-Ville, a larger town south of us. It has some neat old churches and isn't far away. After walking for a few hours this morning, I came to a nice plaza area with some benches and decided just to sit and enjoy the sun, since it was slightly chilly. An elderly man, probably around 60 or 70, rode his bike past me and said something, but I didn't catch it because he was traveling quickly the other direction. He turned around and came back to tell me that I am very beautiful. I explained that I don't speak French very well, so he decided just to ask simple questions: where I'm from, why I'm in France, if I have a boyfriend (he was surprised that I was married), and what all I was seeing in Valence. Through out all of this he told me about 6 times that I was very beautiful. We only chatted for about 2 minutes and then he went to leave. He asked if it was okay to do the bises (French greeting of kissing the cheeks), and I said yes. I've exchanged the bises with multiple people, including men, without any problem. And then he tried to do a 3rd close to the lips and I said no, that wasn't okay with me. He then genuinely apologized for making me uncomfortable and said au revoir, reminding me again that I was very beautiful.
Overall, it was an odd experience. I didn't feel threatened in any way or that he was trying to take advantage of me. I think he really felt sorry for making me uncomfortable. It's kind of flattering, and I knew it would probably happen at some point, but it still really weirds out the American part of me. It didn't have anything to with what I was wearing, because it was cold out and my winter jacket was zipped all the way up (not that I was wearing anything weird). He made a comment that people must try to "draguer" me a lot. I didn't know what the word meant so he explained and I said that this was the first time and he was surprised. That comment, that this must happen all the time just points to the idea that it's a part of French culture. Thus far, I realized I have always been with groups or going somewhere. This was the first time that I had ever lingered somewhere by myself. I didn't linger by myself for the rest of afternoon and will try not to again. While I wasn't in any danger, it was awkward.
Overall, a learning experience about the French culture. I'm still kind of scratching my head my head over the whole incident and how to deal with it better the next time.
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